In this video, Disney character designer and webcomic creator Chris Oatley shares the most common mistakes that comic creators make when pitching their comics at comic-cons.
He also shares four tips to improve your comic pitch which can increase the sales of your comic, grow your readership and get (and keep) the attention of publishers and producers.
Using Back To The Future as an example Chris demonstrates how these tips can be applied to any story.
PLUS, we’ve included one of our ever-so-popular CHEAT SHEETS for this video at the bottom of this post.
The Common Flaws Of The Comic-Con Pitch:
1.) The Pitch Starts With Genre Generalizations:
“It’s a sci-fi thriller set in the future…” or the barely-more-specific “It’s a film noir with aliens…” This is a terrible way to start because we’ve all seen sci-fi thrillers – even film noirs with aliens. Don’t make your original comic more generic by reducing it in this way.
2.) The Pitch Is Bloated With World-Building & Techno-Babble:
“So there are these guys called the flimflams and they can walk through walls but only if they have their norgatronicskeptoticklers set to gamma-pulse-mode.”
If the words mean nothing to someone who is not yet in love with your comic, ditch the world-building and techno-babble in favor of something we can relate to.
3.) The Pitch Is Just A “Fast Forward” Version Of The Plot:
This is not a pitch. It’s an abridgment. …a synopsis. You need a way to share the heart of the story and the potential for plot. You shouldn’t just start blandly explaining the plot scene-by-scene.
4.) You Can’t Pitch Without The Book In-hand:
You don’t know the heart of your story so you just start pointing to the art. This often goes hand-in-hand with the abridgment pitch. And PLUS, what if you don’t have your book with you when you need to pitch.
You should be able to convey the heart of the story and the potential for plot without any visual aides. Of course, you should “show and tell” with the book when it’s appropriate to do so, but your pitch should stand on its own.
5.) Your Nerves Psych You Out:
You just stumble over your words and it ends twenty minutes later in an incoherent mess. And when this happens, you are usually at the mercy of the person listening. If they are nice, they bail you out by asking questions and “coaching” you through it.
You need a quick, catchy, clean, rehearsed, memorized pitch for these kinds of high-stress pitching situations. This way, if you’re completely nervous, you still have something rock-solid that you can robotically spit out and at least you know it will make sense.
There are many universal human emotions at the heart of the story in ‘Back To The Future’
4 Steps To Find The Heart Of Your Story:
Using ‘Back To The Future’ As An Example…
1.) Find The Human Point Of View:
Here’s how I found the “Human Point Of View” in ‘Back To The Future’:
Marty McFly, is the teenage son of an alcoholic mother and a pushover father. He has the potential to be a successful, responsible family man but his rebellious tendencies could completely wreck his future. When Marty is sent back in time 30 years, his own Mother falls in love with him instead of his Dad and unless Marty can get them to fall in love, he will be erased from existence.
Often times, the universal human emotion is found along with a universal human fear.
In regard to BTTF: We have all felt disappointment with our parents or parental figures; We have all made rebellious decisions despite the consequences. We all have wondered what our parents were like when they were teenagers and we certainly all fear being “erased from existence.”
The fear of a fate WORSE than death: In the movie, we learn that Marty’s family ALSO ceases to exist. So it’s not just his own existence that is in jeopardy. (I could have worked that into my pitch for BTTF.)
If you can engage a universal human fear in your pitch, you’re doing well. If you can ALSO engage the fear of something worse than death, you are a storytelling wizard.
2.) Avoid World Building, Techno-Babble, Genre Generalizations and Proper Nouns:
Again, why do we care?
Techno-babble is not something people can access unless the terminology already means something to them. So, until they are fans, leave the techno-babble out.
Notice how I made no mention of the DeLorean Time Machine, Time Paradoxes, 88 Miles Per Hour or The Flux Capacitor (which makes time travel possible).
I think would have been fine to put the DeLorean into the pitch for the same reason I chose to use Marty’s name. Both proper nouns evoke the ironic tone of the story so those specifics help to communicate what the story is.
But because the TYPE of Time Machine isn’t necessary information in regard to Marty’s character story, I opted-out.
Again, avoid details that only fans understand – and don’t attempt to define or translate them within the pitch itself.
3.) Focus On The Character:
Who is the character? What is their passion? How are they flawed? Why do we care?
The character story is what makes people care. It’s what engages your audience’s emotions. It’s what they will remember because everyone else’s pitches are bogged down with techno-babble and genre generalizations.
In the character’s story, you find the universal human emotion, the Theme. And that’s the thing that pulls people in.
Read more about Finding The Theme Of Your Story.
4.) Keep It Short But Open For Conversation:
1-3 sentences. 2 is good. If the pitch is interesting enough AND they’re interested, they’ll ask you questions.
And even if they don’t, but they are still interested, you can just take them through the first scene. But the context is already there with the pitch, so they’ll be tracking with you..
Don’t just tell a fast version of the plot. Just communicate the story’s heart and the potential for plot.
Lee Wiley’s Updated Pitch For ‘Expiration Date’:
In the future, your life has an expiration date. Every person born in the US has an implant in their heart that randomly triggers a person’s death during the REM cycle of sleep. This Government sanctioned population-control program encourages you to not focus on the “quantity” of your life, but the “quality” of it. However, Dack Cutter’s time is running out as he is roped into unravelling a conspiracy that has already caused the death of a Presidential Candidate and his friend, Nix, due to their their “expiration dates.” How far will he go to stay ahead of the conspirators, protect his teenage brother, his former-girlfriend, and attempt to save his own life is “Expiration Date.”
What was so great too, was that when I got a good grasp of reciting this, I could then tailor the pitch to my conversations. If I could read in the person’s face that they were intrigued, I would often expound a little bit more and add a few details about the characters or situations. I was often told that it reminds them of “Logan’s Run” or “In Time”, which is correct, it is directly in that genre, but it opened up the opportunity to then expound on the characters and relationships in the story that really set this story on its own. On the flip side, if I could see their interest was fading, I could keep the pitch short and sweet.
FREE ‘Cheat Sheet’ For This Video!
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Resources:
BUY: ‘Save The Cat Strikes Back‘ (Paper Wings affiliate link)
Chris Oatley’s Guide To Creating An Animation Pitch
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What is a ‘Universal Human Emotion In YOUR Story?
{ 154 comments… read them below or add one }
First post here after listening most non-interview podcast since last week!
My webcomic is being realized as a school project where I reeled in my teacher with the following pitch;
“when a space colony crashes on an alien planet, the survivors have no choice but to start from scratch. However, it doesn’t take too long before the far more intelligent natives take interest in them. All I can tell you from there is that they have a very unfriendly immigration policy, the rest you’ll learn by reading the story of one team of survivors on that planet”.
It was not that word by word, but this is the best way I can translate it.
Does it sound like a viable pitch?
Well, hey, that pitch got me interested. Thanks for sharing! I’ll have to peruse this site a bit.
I once pitched a comic about a Space Prince to a group of comic veterans. I went about saying “It’s an epic space sci-fi story about an alien prince sent to earth on a rite of passage, and meets people’.
After a little bit of prodding they got to the core of the story that I hadn’t mentioned to them: The peace-loving Alien Prince was sent to save the Earth, and ends up accidentally committing genocide. Their questions were as follows:
“Why do I care about the prince?”
“What is his angle? Yeah they do stuff, I just don’t care about him.”
“Okay, there is tragedy in the story, why does that matter? How does it affect the main character? WHY is is to important to him?”
“You’re not answering the question the audience wants to ask. Where is the visceral emotional core of the story that hits me?”
It was rough, but I learned valuable lessons that day. The emotional core of the story is the most important thing to engage the audience. Jack Kirby once said that he wanted an emotional response from the audience, that nothing else was success.
Tough lessons, but very important ones!
The core emotion was Fear of Failure.
Yup, I’m guilty of doing lots of this. And I even did it when Lora interviewed me up at C2E2!!! DRAT!!!
I obviously need to rethink my pitch. That being said, I wonder if there’s something to the Pixar approach to advertising. That is to say, leaving something out. It seems to me that lots of Pixar movies advertise by pulling you in with the concept, and then you stay for the great story.
“Up” is a great example of this, where they show you Carl, an old man, taking a trip with his house using thousands of balloons. They leave out the reason for his doing this- Ellie, and that’s the backbone of the story right there. It makes the story a surprise, and doesn’t spoil the movie as so many previews do. Just thinking aloud. There has to be a way to pitch that doesn’t lay out the entire motivations of the characters and keeps an air of mystery.
One of the most solid pitches I’ve heard at a con is Spike Trotman’s pitch for her comic Templar, Arizona. You can tell she’s got it down to a science. One thing I noticed that she did is that she punctuated her unique, attention-grabbing 1-3 sentence rundown with a more general “if you like ____, then you’d like this” wrap-up. The thing she compared her comic to was The Wire, which was an interesting (and valid) comparison. Thoughts?
I’ve also put together a pitch for my own comic based on the great advice I’ve read here and the successes I’ve seen out in the wild. I’d love feedback and suggestions.
“O Human Star is about an unconventional family in a world where humans and advanced intelligent robots live side by side. Al Sterling is an inventor who wakes up in a robot body after being dead for 16 years. Brendan Pinsky is Al’s old partner who has since become a famous robot magnate. Sulla is a highly advanced robot who started as a copy of Al before she decided to change herself a bit, and Brendan is now raising her like a daughter.
This is the story of these three people coming together to form a truly modern family as they struggle with their identities and their pasts. If you like stories The Social Network, but where the characters invented robots instead of Facebook, or if you like reading about different kinds of queer characters, then this is a comic to check out.”
Very interesting comic Blue. I think your pitch could be strengthened by a bit more reduction. The first portion sounds to much of a character breakdown. Something that would be a next step after the pitch kind of thing. So I’d whittle it down to the basics a bit more and share the character summations once some intest is shown. Great art work too! Well designed characters and I can see the “family resemblance”!
I agree. You’re orbiting the “spine” or the “core” or the main “throughline” of the story. Part of this next revision should be – like Sam is getting at – about finding the strongest, core idea – the “HPOV.”
Thanks for the feedback, guys! I think what I’ve got so far have a bit more of a punch. Could always use more tweaking, though.
Hello Chris, found here thanks to Scott Story.
Before listening to your podcast my pitch was:
“Union of Heroes is a photocomic about the adventures of superheroes from the Ruhr Area of Germany in a parallel world where superheroes actually exist.”
After listening to our podcast I think it misses the “human point of view” so I guess I will change it into:
>>My webcomic tells the story of Marc, a normal guy from our world – and what happens to him after switching to a parallel world and receiving the superpowers of his Alter-Ego “The Erzengel” – a member of Germanys first team of superheroes: The “Union of Heroes”! It’s published in German and English. Most likely it will be one of the best photocomics you will ever see: Professionally photographed, with real actors (not toys), cool special effects and sometimes with short but fitting animations.<<
What do you think?
Heroic regards from Germany! Arne
Thanks for this! It made me realize I’ve been pitching my comic wrong. Kind of wish I’d read/watched this earlier!
A little constructive criticism: Your cheat sheet isn’t really a cheat sheet, it’s *five pages*! You’ve already got the long form, might as well make the short form super short!
A cheat sheet should be one page, maybe two pages max, and it would be acceptable to reduce the font size by quite a lot and strip out a bit more information, maybe even just one or two sentences per section. Since we’ve already read the article, one or two sentences should be enough to recall most of this information.
Thanks again for sharing your sales wizardry with us!
Hopefully I’m not too late with this! I wish I could check these blogs out on the day they’re posted, but I always have to put it off until I have time! Ah well.
I’ve been to a few small conventions now, and I’ve DEFINITELY seen some of these pitch mistakes. Also, one thing I have to say is please don’t be OVER-exuberant about your comic when you’re pitching. I remember I was looking at one guy’s comic at a convention, and after sort of giving me his “pitch,” he wouldn’t let me just flip through the book in peace and either ask my own questions or say “thank you” and leave. He kept giving me extra information, trying to further entice me. It was too much! I felt like he was trying way too hard and it was super uncomfortable.
Obviously, I don’t have any real experience myself, but just from being a BUYER I personally think it’s usually better to give a short pitch, then wait for some sort of cue from the person you’re talking to–whether they ask you more questions or not. You’re not going to make a successful pitch by pushing your product onto someone.
Anyway, this was a really informative post! It got me thinking so much about my graphic novel, especially concerning universal themes and such. I’ve yet to be in a situation where I have to have a pitch for my webcomic, but it’s good to start thinking about these things now, right?
I’m sort of coming up with this on the spot, but after thinking about my webcomic and this post, I’m going to take a first stab at a pitch I might give someone for Everdusk.
“In a land whose people have been enslaved nearly two hundred years, Mai discovers that she has the power to lead a revolution that could finally bring her country freedom. As the pieces of the revolution fall into place, however, Mai learns that her country’s freedom goes beyond simply winning battles, and that forgiveness is far more difficult than bloodshed.”
That’s a really short pitch. I might also include this?
“Together, she and three god-blessed heroes must come together and overcome their bitterness in order to obtain their country’s independence and learn what it truly means to become an everdusk.”
Is title-dropping OK in a pitch? Is it still too short? What are everyone’s thoughts?
Thanks a bunch, wingerz!
Hey Annamarie. I really like te line “forgiveness is far more difficult than bloodshed.” It could make a very effective tag line.
Thanks! As I’ve been working on the story, the theme of forgiveness has really become a key focus; it was more of a typical fantasy-adventure before that.
By the way, sorry for some of the redundant typos in that pitch I wrote out. I’d probably take out the “come together and” in the last sentence. That makes much more sense!
I actually like the pitch with only the first part. I feel like this part: “Together, she and three god-blessed heroes must come together and overcome their bitterness in order to obtain their country’s independence.” is a more extended explanation of the fact that “forgiveness is far more difficult than bloodshed.” I really liked that the pitch ended with this simple sentence because it says so much about the story and the heart of it.
The sentence with the word Everdusk could spark an interest, but people who listen to your pitch don`t know what an Everdusk is, so I wonder how meaningful it is to include it in your pitch.
I hope that helped. Keep it up!
I agree with Henrike. Shorter is generally better. The longer pitches go, the harder it is for people to keep track of what your story is about, or stay interested. In fact, I think you could make it even shorter:
“Mai’s people have been enslaved for two hundred years. When she discovers the power to lead a revolution, Mai realizes that her country’s freedom goes beyond simply winning battles. Forgiveness is far more difficult than bloodshed.”
Question — When you say “the power” do you mean she has leadership qualities, or there’s something unique about her abilities. “Power” hints at magic to me, but if it’s more a personality thing, I’d say reduce it further to:
“Mai’s people have been enslaved for two hundred years. When she starts a revolution, Mai realizes that her country’s freedom goes beyond simply winning battles, and forgiveness is far more difficult than bloodshed.”
I completely agree with both of you! I always thought short was a lot stronger as well. Good to get the agreement of others on my gut feeling. Thanks for all the advice!
Robin–when I say “the power,” I am referring to magic more than leadership qualities. That’s only initially, however; it is because of these powers that Mai gets pulled INTO the revolution, but the rebellion was happening long before she actually got involved. She is very much a “reluctant hero” at first, so I’m sort of hesitant to say “Mai’s people” because she isn’t really a Moses-type initially.
I do like your shortened pitch, though. Maybe combining those last two sentences is a bad idea, but to me it flows better and connects it more to Mai.
“Mai’s country has been enslaved for two hundred years. When she discovers the power to lead a revolution, Mai realizes that her country’s freedom goes beyond simply winning battles, and that forgiveness is far more difficult than bloodshed.”
After typing it, I can see that “people” is more powerful than “country,” but I’m wary of the connotations of “people.” Overall, though, I think this is stronger than my first go! =)
I agree about being aware of the body language and non-verbal cues given by the potential customer. We usually hand them a book if they like our 10 sec. pitch but always let them flip through it at their own rate.
Discovery is far more enticing than a sales pitch!
Do you believe in your book? Do you have beautiful art? Get them to pick it up and it should sell itself.
Hey, gang.
I just wanted to chime in and encourage you to keep going with these. Literally EVERY pitch that is being worked on here is being improved in a huge way. You’re SO GOOD at this.
Just goes to show how much better we are together than apart.
Really? I’m not too late? Ok, I’d love to work on one for Ouwangalaymah! I’ll post something soon. Your the best Chris! Love this community!
First of all, a confession. I have been using the worst pitch ever. Wish I’d had your post Chris a couple of WonderCons ago. My story Ouwangalaymah! The “Tail” of the Name of the Tree is based on an old African Bantu folk tale. Which perty much sums up my pitch to date.
I’d say;
“It’s based on a Bantu folk tale, it’s kind of my Disney-fied version of it.”
Dead in the water I know. People go “Oh… I see. well the art’s nice.” as they put the book down and walk on.
Actually, the Folk tale was used only as a lattice to support the vine of my story which is totally different.
The Bantu tale is about a tree who’s fruit will ripen only if someone speaks the name of the tree. Several different animals journey to speak to a King or Wise One to learn the name.
Each forget and so fail in their attempts. Only the tortoise remembers and so is the unlikely hero.
I started building Ouwanga on the question of, What went on back at the tree while the others made their journey?
And so Here is my NEW pitch based on What I’ve picked up so far from this great post & thread.
Ouwangalaymah! takes place in a time of famine when only the name of a sacred tree can save. It
is about a hyperactive ring tail lemur named Yofti, Who’s antics turn from comic to tragic as his actions lead to the near death of one of his little friends. Believing that he has indeed killed his friend, he runs away, attempting to feed himself to the crocodiles. Only through the self-sacrificing actions of his mentor, the tortoise, is Yofti’s life spared, and the dire consequences of his earlier actions reversed. It is a story that begins, when everyone else forgets…. The Name of the Tree that is.
So what do ya think?
I know I’m late to the table, but would love a thought or two.
Thanks everybody!
I really like the idea of your story! It sounds fun and touching at the same time.
As for your pitch, I think maybe it has too much of a “summary” feel to it? Some ideas/events/characters can be suggested instead of specifically stated. So maybe something like:
“Ouwangalaymah! takes place in a time of famine when only the name of a sacred tree can save. When the antics of a young lemur named Yofti nearly kill his friend, it takes the sacrifices of a wise tortoise to restore Yofti’s shattered spirit… and his friend’s life. It is a story about a life that begins when a another nearly ends, and the life-giving Tree that looms over it all.”
Just from reading your pitch, it seems that the actions of the tortoise and how they change Yofti are the focus of the story. That’s the real meat; that’s what I think readers relate to. It also seems like the story as a whole is framed by this idea of this bountiful Tree in a time of famine (in your own words), so I kind of tried to do that in the pitch as well.
I tried to keep that enigmatic feeling that I think you were going for in the last sentence. I wasn’t sure what it meant, though, and wasn’t sure how you would deliver it vocally.
Anyhow, those are my thoughts! I hope they help a bit.
Thanks Annamarie! I’ll poke around with it some more. I love the summation you suggested! Much less clunky and right on point! THANKS HEAPS!
)
Great content! And Chris, it`s great to actually see you talk.
I love reading all your pitches Wingers! A lot of you talk about having “projects” but from some of you I didn`t yet know what kind of stories you`re working on. Great stuff!
I didn`t have a pitch yet, so I was curious to try make one so I could practise pitching it to friends and family.
My first draft of the pitch is this:
“According to her classmates, Suzan is a successful high school student, both smart and popular. But nobody knows that at home she finds herself in a constant struggle with her parents` expectations and her own dreams to be a dancer. When Suzan gets transported to a jungle ruin in another world, she must try to get home and not get tangled up in the cultural chaos of two villages and a bunch of archaeologists.”
I tried to keep it as short as possible. I`m very curious what kind of reactions you guys have when you read this. Does it spark an interest? What could still use work?
Thanks!
Hey HenrikeD. This story does spark an interest … epecially when she is transported to the jungle ruin. I can sense there is alot of creativity and thought put into this story (Reminds me some what of John Carter). It also sounds to me like you still need to work on your theme in your overall story – Then will will better know how to present the heart. How is the successful-exterior, struggling-interior Susan connected to the susan trapped in an otherworld jungle, struggling to get home. The two ideas seemed disconnected the first time I read through. Maybe connecting the ideas like this would help:
Susan seems like the perfect senior class president, but inside she struggles to meet the expectations of parents, classmates, and herself. While job-shadowing a group of archeologists, she Mysteriously transported to a jungle ruin in another world, where chaos the mounts each day. As the chosen liaison of two opposite cultures, the more she pushes to find her way through this strange the world, the more distant her dream of finding her way home.
Of course, my version could probably used some editing, but hopefully it helps. Also, I’d think about having the other-world cultures mirror the two struggles from her past life (The way the schoolmates see her vs the way her parents see her). This may help you better clarify your theme and help you craft those poignant emotions at the heart of your story.
Good work and keep at it!
Sorry for the typos… here is a better version of my stab at your theme:
Susan seems like the perfect senior class president, but inside she struggles between the expectations of parents, classmates, and herself. While job-shadowing a group of archeologists, she is mysteriously transported to a jungle ruin in another world, where chaos mounts each day. As the chosen liaison of two opposite cultures, the more she battles to find her way through this strange world, the more distant her dream of finding her way home.
I agree with Scott that the theme is a little vague. The pitch almost seems split into two unrelated pieces.
1) According to her classmates, Suzan is a successful high school student, both smart and popular. But nobody knows that at home she finds herself in a constant struggle with her parents` expectations and her own dreams to be a dancer.
2) When Suzan gets transported to a jungle ruin in another world, she must try to get home and not get tangled up in the cultural chaos of two villages and a bunch of archaeologists.
How do these two pieces relate? How is Suzan’s secret struggle to become a dancer connected to finding her way home? Is her dancing somehow significant to the other world and its people?
The dance being significant in the other world is a fun idea. If it isn’t that important, but just a detail in Suzan’s past, I would cut it from your pitch. I also think it’s cool that both Robin and I observe that your pitch had two unrelated parts…we learn crazy things about our pitches and stories as we share them, don’t we!?!
Scott and Robin, thanks for your feedback!
You`re right, the pitch seems split in two parts. And you`re both also right that the two things (both the dancing and the journey home to earth) are connected in my story. I hadn`t connected them in my pitch though. I focused too much on only having a few sentences. Thanks for all the helpful tips and I`m glad it sparked an interest!
Here is a new pitch:
According to her classmates, Suzan is a successful senior year high school student, both smart and popular. But nobody knows that at home she finds herself in a constant struggle with her parents` expectations and her own dreams to be a dancer. When Suzan mysteriously gets transported to a jungle ruin in another world, she once again gets tangled up in people`s expectations. But if she does not fight for what she wants, she will never find her way home again.
Great Sound advice Chris and Lora!
Thanks for the tremendous resource, insight, and inspiration!
I think the approach presented is applicable to any medium and business situation.
Good show!
P.
I have been hungry to watch this episode and I finally got the chance! Pitching is by far my weakest skill. I have gone through one version after another, but none of them really work. Two of the most recent ones, prior to watching your video:
(1) “Three siblings on a quest to discover the truth behind their mother’s death.”
(2) “Conspiracy, siblings, and nefarious gods.”
–> The first one tends to be off-putting to people. I’m guessing it’s the heavy subject matter? The second gets a better reception, but people are unsure of the tone (is it comedic?) or the words (“nefarious dogs?” What??)
More importantly, when I look at the central theme and human fear, neither are covered in these pitches.
OVERALL THEME FOR LEYLINES: Creating harmony in a corrupted world, within AND without.
CENTRAL HUMAN FEAR OF THE CHARACTERS: Not measuring up. Not being equal to the tasks life has presented. Making the wrong choices. Letting down family, friends, one’s nation, the world, and the gods themselves!
…and I have NO idea how to incorporate that into a pitch. What makes this even harder is that I have an ensemble cast rather than a single Main Character. It could be easily argued that any of the central four drive the plot and propel the themes.
TAMA: A spoiled brat with a heart of gold who is completely unfit to rule the nation he will one day inherit — and he knows it.
MIZHA: A troubled girl that would rather live in the Illusions of her own making than face reality — until a goddess needing help turns up in her dreams.
ZHIRO: A devout monk that desperately wishes to be the man his adoptive father would want for a son — but can never bridge the gap due to the circumstances of his birth.
KALI: A gruff survivor with strange powers that yearns to discover the truth about her past — and whether she was responsible for the separation of her parents.
….ARG! I feel like there’s plenty of material here, but I just can’t figure out how to put it together into something functional. o_0
If anyone has suggestions, I’d love to hear them! Thank you!!
Robin, if all your characters feel like they`re not able to measure up to (their own) expectations then that could certainly be included into your pitch I think. The potential for plot is certainly there: the world is in chaos, and the 3 siblings lost their mother. They have to set things right somehow, but they don`t feel competent to complete their quest. (huge obstacle, which raises the audiences interest to see how these characters will succeed) If you could incorporate somehow why THEY have to do the things they have to do and what`s at stake if they don`t succeed, (try to put in the worse than death-stake if you can) then I think you`re well on your way.
Good point as to why THEY have to act. I see now that I’m also lacking specificity. I view letting down family/friends/world/gods as “worse than death”, but that’s so vague it has no impact.
Hmmm…Just going to “type out loud” here…
*****
THEME: Harmony from Corruption
FEAR: Of Failure. (Due to personal limitations)
WHY THEM: Duty. Chosen by gods. Survival.
WORSE THAN DEATH: World returns to war. Gods destroyed. Mystery of their mother’s death never solved.
CHARACTERS: Mischievous heir dodging responsibilities. Troubled girl seeking escape in Illusions. Devout monk striving to overcome the limitations of his caste.
*****
POSSIBLE PITCHES – Char specific?
A troubled girl seeking escape in dreams finds a god pleading for help instead. If she can’t decipher the strange visions, her gods may die, taking the world with them.
The rebellious heir to the throne just wants a vacation, but when his mother dies under mysterious circumstances and assassins attack his family, he’s not sure what to do or who to trust. As one young man against the world, can he save his nation from a war it can’t win?
Zhiro, an adopted son of the royal family, has never found his place in the world. When he’s caught up by the conspiracy trying to destroy the throne, he must choose between his family and his own future.
*****
THOUGHTS??
…Do any of these work?? I feel like I’m not saying enough, or I’m giving the wrong impression because they’re just pieces of the whole. ARG! I love my complex, involved story, but GEEZ it it hard to write a complete pitch for!! o_0
I would consider combine the characters into and group one common Theme/story heart which ties them all together. I seems to me that they all react/escape in different ways, which could be a great thing to mention in your main pitch. If the person you pitch to asks about the characters, you could probably then proceed to your character specific pitches, which all sound interesting to me.
Oh, and about your theme : “Harmony From Corruption” sounds like a great subject/topic … but what deep truth does your story say ABOUT Harmony and Corruption? THAT is your theme. Hopefully everything in your story hangs from this great theme/armature … then you’ll be guided right to the HEART of your story. And you’ll better know how to pitch the entire story.
I hope these thoughts help!
Thank you for the feedback, HenrikeD and Scott! I’ve taken a crack at combining everything:
“The three heirs to the throne just want a vacation, but an assassination attempt and a garbled message from a goddess leave them unsure where to go or who to trust. Can three unconventional siblings save their nation from starting a war it cannot win?”
Yes, that totally ties them all together.
I’d add location somehow. “The three heirs to the Leyline throne ….
The phrase “just want a vacation” throws me off a bit. I think it is because is causes some confusion as to WHY.
How about, “The throne of Leylines has three heirs: Each with their own reason to pursue leisure over royal responsibility. But an assassination attempt and a garbled answer to a prayer from a goddess leave them unsure where to go or who to trust. Can three unconventional siblings save their nation from starting a war it cannot win?”
That seems a bit stronger to me, but I bet you can do better…as this is YOUR story! Keep up the great work!
I was leaving the names out due to the proper noun thing. Technically only Tama is a viable heir (known as the Scion) for the Itsuri High Sage, a position served by male members of the va Naza family line. That just seemed like too many new words that people wouldn’t care about. Is there another way to indicate location without proper nouns?
I agree with the “vacation” line. It tonally clashes with the rest of it. I just couldn’t think of a short way to sum up that sentiment. They’re all trying to escape the pressures of their lives, and the recent grief caused by their mother’s death.
Hmmm…How about:
“The heirs to the Itsuri throne yearn for a simpler life, but an assassination attempt and a garbled plea from a goddess force them into a world of conspiracy and mysterious magics. Can three unconventional siblings stop their world from starting a war it cannot win?”
That definitely works for me, although I personally prefer to hear “leave them unsure where to go or who to trust” rather than “force them into a world of conspiracy and mysterious magics.”
Sounds like a very interesting story now! I’m now interested to know more: to read on and discover if any of them are able to survive the pressure and somehow find the peace they seek.
Good work guys! I think your right scott, “mysterious magics” is kind of a mouth full. Simpler=better. Watching you think this out has been really helpful. Thanks!
Just wanted to report some follow-up: Tried out the new pitch at a local convention this weekend! MUCH more enthusiastic and engaged response from likely readers. Not only are people more interested for longer, but something about the pitch hooks the exact kind of person that would be interested in the story! So excited to finally get a positive response on a pitch! Thank you Wingers!!
Awesome Robin, sometimes we only need a nudge in the right direction. You`ve come up with a grabbing pitch in less than a week. I like your most recent one! (couldn`t reply to that comment anymore though)
I think you’ve just pointed out a problem with my con pitch, which is that it IS too reductive and doesn’t have much of a human element to it. I’ve been told genre generalization is a good way to quickly summarize your story, which is sort of true, but if my sales are any indication, it’s not a very good way to make people CARE.
I’ve got the elements of human story, human fear, and compelling thing (mystery) there, I just have to reword it in a way where people won’t just go “meh” and move on.
Yeah, Jules. It’s so hard to remember to continually question practices and beliefs that are commonly accepted in the industry (and broader, cultural) zeitgeist.
The hodgepodging of the various, unrelated beliefs of successful people has resulted in a deceptive “folk religion” that is pervasive in the arts.
It’s the artists who are successful financially or creatively that often become the teachers – even if they don’t try to be. And that isn’t necessarily a good thing. Just because someone is successful as an artist doesn’t mean they are talented and/or skilled in education. It takes just as much time, effort and talent to be a good teacher of the arts as it does to become a good artist. And teachers have it harder because they have to be both to carry any real credibility.
So what we end up with is a lot of famous artists saying things on Comic Con panels or wherever… …They say things that worked for THEM (and maybe a few of their like-minded friends), as if it’s THE WAY to do things and it can quickly become the gospel.
We have to beware of these kinds of mantras. They often start with “You want to… blah blah blah” or “What you WANT to do is… blah blah blah” or the WORST: “You ALWAYS…”
Irresponsible.
And so we end up with droves of people trying to follow the same model as so-and-so-successful-artist and they blame themselves because it doesn’t work for THEM like it did for so-and-so-successful-artist.
Does that make sense?
So, specifically, “Genre Generalization” has become the norm because someone, somewhere said that’s the way to do it because they did it a few times and people bought the book. And maybe the Genre Generalization DID sell the book.
There’s no way of knowing. But just because somebody thought it worked a few times doesn’t mean it will work for everyone – if it ever DID work. There’s really no way of knowing.
Side note: I would argue that whoever initiated this pervasive heresy sold their book based on the quality of the art or story – not because they pitched it as a “sci-fi thriller set in the future” or whatever. Again, there’s no real way of knowing for sure, but that’s how I’ve seen these things happen. So-and-so-famous-artist was probably being lazy with their pitch because THEY ARE FAMOUS but the eager, impressionable youths who are NOT being lazy, get frustrated because they are trying so hard to make the advice of the famous artist work. …and it won’t. Because it’s bad advice.
And just because somebody thought it worked a few times certainly doesn’t qualify the habit (no matter how common) as the BEST or ONLY way to pitch. …which is how some people think of it.
I think if we’re storytellers then we need to look at what qualifies a successful story AS a successful STORY – not money, not audience size etc. …and then we basically just carve off a smaller piece of the story and make that into the pitch. But the pitch has to taste and smell like the entire whole.
A pitch should be like a piece of cake. If you eat a whole piece of cake, each piece after that is going to taste similar and just as delicious. The one piece is going to make you want more.
BUT if you pull off one of the decorative frosting-flowers and eat that, you still won’t know what an actual, whole cake will taste like. You’ll just have a mouth full of frosting. And some people ONLY want the frosting – and that’s how we end up with so many crappy ‘Michael Bay’ style comics – but most people still prefer a whole piece of cake to a mouthful of frosting.
But the problem is that there is a hell of a lot of frosting out there and almost no well-made cakes.
Enter the Paper Wings Community.
Am I making sense?
Oh Snap! I think this is a perfect spot for a pigeon clip
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0l258PHmcM
That clip…is HILARIOUS. Thank you for that.
Your welcome. Go
What I meant to type. Good example of reductive pitching huh.
The cake metaphor actually brings it home for me. Don’t give your prospective consumer the superficial sugary parts, give them a slice of your project that encompasses the emotion and spirit of the whole thing, but in a smaller bite.
I get it, bro. I get it!
Yeah, of course you do. You really know your stuff. I think we all just get swept up into the “folk religion” of the entertainment industries without even asking for it or thinking about it. It’s so hard to remain objective.
But that’s why we’re all here, I think.
(It was a simile)
but yes, it did it for me too.
“But the pitch has to taste and smell like the entire whole”…great scott, we’ve got it!!!! I stake a claim in that nugget!!!! That little piece of gold was what i needed… i have been so concerned with choosing a specific situation out of the many instead of ensureing that my pitch’s essence matches the character & story as a whole. Man this is good stuff! Thank you Jules for the commentary and Chris, thank you for the awesome response!
Lovig it!!
Wow guys this one took off like a rocket! Great video mr Oatley! Good points that have me thinking for sure. I’m gonna find my place at the table with the folks who have probs like me with point #5. Nerves always get the better of me, and I sure can see how having a solid pitch in mind will help.
Wow, Sam, that’s encouraging for us all. If the unflappable Sam Kirkman gets nervous then EVERYONE truly does get nervous.
I do think that having something you can just “robotically” spit out – despite the nerves – it helps tremendously.
Believe me, I am totally flapable! Just one more thing to work on.
Aye Sam!
Oh my awesome Sam, you rock! You are solid inside, once you have few practices of the pitch under your belt the logic side of you will push your nerves right out of the way. That is something that i have to remind myself of alot, being nervous is hard to do when in your mind you know what you want to say…that and having a robot to do it for you would really probably rock too! But..since that is not on the horizon in the near future, you will have to play the part of the robot!! Sam-bot with a pitch!!
Low self esteem. I think that’s the Universal Human Emotion at the heart of the story I’m working on right now–and that took me aback a bit, which is proof that this is a really cool exercise.
I’m not anywhere close to a point where I’ll be pitching at cons, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to aim for my target better by thinking about this now. Plus it’s getting me extremely excited about reaching the point where I have a book to pitch at a con. Thank you for keeping me motivated!
That’s GREAT, Chelsea!!!
And why not try out some early versions of your pitch in conversations with friends or other comic folks this summer? You can casually “rehearse” your pitch and nobody will know they are the guinea pigs!!
Thanks so much for the video and cheat sheet! Going to think on my pitch for a bit longer and post later!
Awesome, Emily. Let us know when you have a draft you’re happy with!
Ahoy Wingerz!!!!!!
Ok Chris, I love the video and finally getting to see a moving face with the voice…it feels so strange after sooo long of only your voice! Love it!
Here is the first stab at the pitch before using the cheat sheet. Just hearing you on the video and reading some the other wingerz responses made me have to stop and really boil down my story because I don’t think I really had before now.
Kodi the Starfish is a series following the adventures of an angler-fish from outer space and the many friends he makes during his travels through the galaxies, none more important than his best friend, a girl from Earth. During his travels he learns about his talents and powers and what really makes him special in all of the universe and, in the face of many dangers, what truly makes him a hero.
The universal human theme for Kodi? I think it may be his drive to understand why he is special and how he can use that to help others…to make a difference. ( Not sure if that is a proper theme or if it is the only one but it is very important to the story. )
Wow, it feels really weird to take the entirety of story and emotion of a whole world and compress it into a few breaths that would get an audience hooked. Others that I have introduced Kodi to really seem to fall in love with him but I usually have more time and content that I hand them. It is kind of refreshing to take just the essence of the tale and hand that to a person to check their interest.
I am proud to announce too that following having Kodi’s first tale in the first space-themed book from Illopond.com (soon to be in print), I have now created a separate blog to post Kodi focused art and story content to! I am only one post in so it is fresh but I plan to use it as a concise way for fans and visitors to find Kodi and read information about him!
kodithestarfish.blogspot.com
I just want all of you older wingerz, the site team/apprentices and Chris & Lora to know that it wouldn’t have happened without you all! New Wingerz, fall in love and stick with this team and the hosts. You will only become better artists and tell better stories for it. Thank you all for being here!
Much love at ya!
Cap’n, how is this the first time I’ve heard about this project? I really like Kodi’s design and you have some great things going on in the pages I saw. I’d definitely keep working on your pitch / heart of your story. It looks like a great start, but I know you are capable of something truly compelling. Try working the character’s obstacle/story tension into your pitch and you’ll probably have it. Keep up the good work!
I agree, Scott and Derrick.
I think Scott is right on with the pitch feedback. Derrick – I think you’re kind of hitting the wall around the dartboard.
Keep aiming for the bullseye.
Wow Wingerz, thank you for the feedback and comment! I agree that I can add more to it but this brings me to a major question about pitching; when I do this should I be pitching a single book containing maybe one story arch and situation or do I pitch Kodi and his tale as a whole?
Explanation: In my head this will be a series of children’s and young adult books. With that there will be separate titles with varying obstacle/story tensions an in the end, one larger danger that will encompass a multitude of books potentially. My first pitch contained a bit of the idea of who he is but when I pitch him in entirety, what do I choose as the obstacle?
I guess this could vary depending on if II have the first book in my hand to sell it or if I am actually talking to an interested party to pitch him as a whole. Make sense?
Once I narrow down this then I can build a better pitch! Off to download the cheat sheet now!!!!
Thank you all!
I just had to jump on even though this is a week or two old because it drove me crazy to see it sitting on 149 comments…and not 150!
Thank you all for the help on the new pitch and as I type this I am also working on posting it to the new Kodi the Starfish art and story blog at http://kodithestarfish.blogspot.com/!
Thanks to all of you for helping to get me to where I am and please know you were all a part of it!
Dutz!
Just looked over the sheet and realized that I can tell the story of who he is and what he strives for/through and shouldn’t need to tell specific situations. I will work on this and repost.
Thanks!!
Well, I would tell the story in the pitch but it’s the character’s story, his actions, his decisions that reveal who he is in the broader sense.
Just think about how much you think you know someone you’ve known for years until you go on a week long road trip with them. All of a sudden you know more about them from the intentional, shared experience than you did from years of knowing them in “normal life.”
A good story is the “road trip” where the general description might be more like everything that came before. So your pitch should be like the YouTube-length version of the videos you shot while you were on the trip.
Specifics are where we connect with characters.
For example, it’s one thing for me to say: “Derrick Utz is a constant encouragement to me. He is very thoughtful and goes out of his way to make Lora and I feel appreciated.”
OR
I could say: “Derrick Utz is a constant encouragement to me. We have not known each other. We have never met in person and have had relatively few direct communications but he did an original drawing and gave it to me for my birthday just to express his gratitude for our work on Paper Wings.”
See how the specifics can actually help you understand the broader essence of who the person IS?
Pretty cool, huh?
Wow Chris, thank you.
And yes, that makes alot more sense. Its like using a specific situation as an anchor to ground the concept of the character to. I just need to choose great instances that speak to who Kodi is. I will have fun with this.
Thank you for being there for all of us my man.
Ahoy Cap`n! Oh my, I love that character design for Kodi (cute!) and those pages I saw look so promising. The story sounds like one I definitely would want to read! I love stories about friendship and journeys and that kind of stuff. Looking great so far!!
I also agree with making the pitch more specific.
I was wondering about the dangers you spoke of in your pitch. Maybe you can try adding the basic human emotion to some of those, what are Kodi`s fears, what are his passions? What are the obstacles he has to face and why do we want to follow his adventures to see him succeed?
Alright Wingerz, I thing I have one that is good enough to have a run at it!
Kodi the Starfish is the tale of a young & rare living star creature from outer space who is traveling the galaxies in search of new friends and adventures. After learning of his special special starlight abilities, he strives to mature his powers in enough time to protect his friends & family from the mysterious black-hole monsters called Eaters. These dark and fierce beasts are relentlessly driven to consume all things in the universe…even light itself.
Whew…that is wild!!!! I hope that gets the ideas and feelings of the story’s tone across. I seek to write and draw a fantasy epic set in all sorts of unknown areas of space and even back here on Earth.
Please let me know if this is getting me closer to the right goal and thank you all so very much for the help!!!
Dutz!
I definitely think that is a more dramatic and compelling pitch already!
While the feel is great, I think it could be made stronger by compression. Currently too many filler words, things that could be implied instead of stated, and unnecessary proper nouns.
A way it could be compressed:
Kodi the Starfish is a rare living star traveling the galaxies in search of new friends and adventures. When relentless black-hole monsters start gobbling up the universe, Kodi must learn to harness his unique abilities in time to protect his friends & family before everything is devoured…even light itself!
(Extra thought — Have you tried reading this aloud multiple times? I find that repeating something 10 times lets you find where the phrasing is awkward, and what corners should get rounded off.)
WOW Robin!!!! That is excellent!!!! Thank you!!!
I really like your version. It cuts down the word count, speaks easier and looses alot of the wordy-ness i was concerned with. I could tel there was an issues, i just couldnt press a finger to it completely…also, i am a talkative person so i have difficulies shortening the lenght of content anyways.
So, unless anyone else has any additional suggestions, i will take this practice it out and may change a few words but i think overall its a keeper!!!
Thns again!
Good job Captain! This gives me a much better understanding of where you’ve intended to take Kodi. Great compressing there Robin!
Awesome new pitch Derrick, and I like Robins` compressed version.
Can`t wait to see and read more about Kodi Captain!
oooh, thanks, a friend linked me here and it was just what I needed as I threw together some promotional material to take to ECCC this weekend.
This is what I ended up with for my crazy-ass multiple-narrative sf comic.
Rita is quite possibly the fastest woman ever built. When her ex drags her outside of reality,
she has to piece herself back together across four separate timelines… before the whole solar system is assimilated into one massive hive-mind.
Wow, that pitch itself was quite grabbing! I just hopped onto your site and I love that whole concept!
I’ve tossed the idea around in my head of how to continually portray multiple story threads alongside each other, but… wow! Can’t promise I’ll get through them right quick, but I’ll definitely be bookmarking Decrypting Rita and catching up sometime!
hahaha thanks for the succinct explanation of the formula for creating a pitch, all my previous attempts sucked!
Glad you like the comic. When I first thought of doing the multiple stories thing I was all “this is awesome, why don’t more people do this?”. Then I started doing it. And now I know. Because oh geeze it is so much extra work.
Glad you found us! And glad this was well timed for you. Good luck at ECCC. Hope this helps you sell some books!
Y’all are now in my RSS feed! n.n
Holy cow, I wish I could figure out how to get my own pitch that solid! That takes a really complex concept and not only makes it understandable, but intriguing with a strong human element. Fantastic!!
Trying to practice this by using popular movies, but I’m having a difficult time. Something like Spider-Man, or Iron Man, or Batman Begins, they all have very strong human elements and themes, but all the stuff I can think to come up with end up either sounding lame, or it doesn’t sound anything at all like what the film is about. If people didn’t already know it’s Spider-Man or Batman, I’m not sure the pitch I write would work.
I’ve heard Stan Lee summarize many of the Marvel characters’ stories during random interviews and videos, boiled down to very human elements. They’ve always been succinct and compelling (but, it IS hyperbolic Stan Lee we’re talking about) without sounding lame.
He doesn’t sum it up so briefly in this video, but Stan the Man pretty much goes over every reason —the “universal human emotion(s)”— why we can all relate to the Peter Parker story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUbPPeGM9Go
Yeah. The Peter Parker story is great. Stan is good, to say the least.
Riki – it’s important to remember that just because a movie is popular doesn’t mean it has a strong story. And if the story is weak then it’s going to be hard to reverse-engineer a strong pitch.
Yeah, Stan Lee always explains the Marvel Superheroes from their human POV. To be honest, I think it’s what sets the Marvel Universe apart from DC, and makes those characters so much stronger, more relatable, and as a result, more beloved in the larger society.
The DCU characters, Batman excepting, are all more alien, stoic or invincible.
Wow … comment explosion! The Heart of my (side project) story is:
Misfit Supers – Wizdress is leader in a group of misfit supers who are employed by the celebrity superheroes in a private community. Not all, but many of these supers belittle and mistreat her misfit friends and she has worked long to inspire her friends and raise them from their humble situation. When the celebrity supers are shrunk down and held captive by a mysterious villain, Wizdress feels this is their chance to rise up. But to seize it, she must somehow convince the others to rescue the masters who once oppressed them.
This is intended to a short picture book (with comic elements) and I’m currently working through story “problems.” A huge thanks to fellow Wingerz who’ve provided valuable feedback. It will be greater because of you!
Great podcast, by the way. So helpful!
Very accessible idea, Scott! Haven’t been around much until the last few weeks, so this is my intro to Misfit Supers.
Only that first sentence kinda trips me up. Everything else seems broken down quite nicely!
Yeah, this is the first time I’ve mentioned the name of the story on PW. Thanks for letting me know about the first sentence – I’ll fix it up. Was it Wizdress’s name that tripped you up. I’ve been thinking about changing it …
You know, I remember some coworkers at R&H drooling over your Bonnie Lass work awhile back – you have quite the talent! It’s pretty cool to see you around PW. Thanks for taking the time to comment!
Thanks, Scott! Flattered to hear Bonnie made her way into the R&H offices too—thanks for sharing!
I just think that first sentence may suffer from some droning. Maybe “Wizdress leads a group of misfit supers employed by the celebrity superheroes of a private community.” It just gets rid of a few stuttery prepositions. Plus it switches out the bland verb “is” and starts off immediately telling us what Wizdress does: leads.
Gotcha … thanks again.
No prob! Just my suggestions…!
They were great suggestions, Michael … I incorporated your restructured sentence right away. Now I just have to fix the rest of my story
. Good thing I love the process!
I think the premise is strong and the emotion is definitely there — being unappreciated or oppressed, wanting to rise above one’s lot in life — I really like the idea, but something about the language is tripping me up. I think part of it is the passive language at the start, and a lot of extra details that don’t seem necessary. Your pitch hits its stride half-way through. I suggest either (1)reducing the lead-in, or (2)make the start as engaging as the conclusion.
How about:
Wizdress, leader of a group of misfit supers, strives to inspire her friends to rise above their humble station. When their cruel and belittling employers are shrunk down and held captive by a mysterious villain, Wizdress feels this is their chance to rise up. But to seize it, she must somehow convince the others to rescue the masters who once oppressed them.
I like it. The one thing I would change is the term “employers.” I feel it is much more key that they are also super heroes. So, maybe:
Wizdress, leader of a group of misfit supers, strives to inspire her friends to rise above their humble station. When the overpowering celebrity supers are shrunk down and held captive by a mysterious villain, Wizdress feels this is their chance to rise up. But to seize it, she must somehow convince the others to rescue the masters who once oppressed them.
So do you guys think it us unnecessary to mention the location is a private resort, exclusive to superheroes?
I really like the resort idea, but I don`t think it`s really necessary for the most important part of the plot. And you use the word “celebrity” in your pitch, which may spark a certain mood that makes it not surprising the story is set in a resort. If people ask more questions, you can mention it of course, it is a nice touch to a superhero story.
I really like the phrase “overpowering celebrity supers” – just a great set of words that immediately paints a clear picture.
Really like that pitch!
Chris! thank you very much for sharing all your amazing insights to pitching. Our conversation before WonderCon gave me a real appreciation for pitching.
Your “Human Point of View” approach really helps to get the attention of interested people, and helps me to even realize at it’s core what a great story I can tell.
I love your breakdown of BTTF into this super-charged nugget that makes me want to go watch the movies all over again. One of the best trilogies ever without a doubt.
I will most definitely be revisiting this (and many other PWP posts) when doing the groundwork for a comic and pitching it to people.
Thanks for inspiring the post, Lee. It’s been fun to watch your success with Expiration Date.
Lee, my man, this was awesome seeing your finished work in Chris’ hands!!! Great job and best wishes on the rest of the project!!!
Thank you Scott and Derrick!
I’m so glad to have connected with you guys here. It’s great to be mutual fans of what we do and share feedback with each other.
Lee, great to see in the video and post how you made your progress with your pitch. And that is some awesome artwork from what I saw, very original idea too!
This video made my train trip into work go super fast! I especially liked the space travel!
Thanks for the pitch tips, I dont have a comic, but found many elements I can use to pitch my artwork and designs!
So glad to hear that, Tegan.
Let us know how this influences your visuals. That would be really interesting to know!
I have found my strongest pieces, ones that have received the most positive feedback from, are my designs that have a strong story behind the environment or character that I have created.
Almost that every illustration needs almost to have a story to pitch, reasons to justify it’s design, otherwise it’s just a pretty picture. Especially when your portfolio is reviewed, this is the biggest moment to see if your design can imply the story or show imagination. I found myself pitching my design choices. If someone was to say, “I like this environment,” I could justify the story and ideas of my designs and it’s strengths, without blabbering on. And this video slash podcast helped reminded me! So thanks!
Well, I’ve been trying to tidy up a new pitch for a while now, and after my inspired stream-of-consciousness typing earlier, I synthesized this puppy:
“Bonnie Lass, estranged daughter of the infamous pirate Cutlass, wants nothing less than a life of adventure and freedom, and even welcomes the troubles that would come with it. But she’s stuck in a mediocre rut of petty piracy and tiffs with small-town lawmen. When a she gets her hands on a mysterious relic, she’s given the opportunity to make the one great discovery that’s eluded Cutlass himself, but she’ll soon find that her recent spoil has gained her some new enemies. How far will she have to push herself to reclaim her adventurous spirit and come out on top?”
My concerns: 1) is it gripping and concise enough at the same time, and 2) does that question at the end seem to kitschy?
Before I had a few too-specific details/proper nouns being tossed around before, so hopefully this more universal approach seems more… approachable… universally…
And it should be noted that this would just be for the first arc, since I’m still only (likely) going to have that one to actually sell copies of this convention season.
My pitch for volume 2′s got more time to incubate. =)
Not bad. It’s still a little clunky.
Try to do it with less adjectives and, instead, think of character ACTIONS. Let the decisions (verbs) describe the characters instead of adjectives (descriptions like “estranged” or “infamous”).
Cool!
Thanks, Chris! Adjectives are often my biggest obstacles. Always so tempted to lean on them more than necessary.
Back in the oven!
Trimmed some fat:
Bonnie Lass wants nothing less than a life of adventure, and even welcomes the troubles that would come with it. But she’s stuck in a mediocre rut of petty piracy and tiffs with small-town lawmen. After snatching up a mysterious relic she may be well on her way to outclassing her infamous pirate father, but not without attracting a few new enemies. How far will she have to push herself to reclaim her adventurous spirit and come out on top?
Was able divert focus away from Cutlass while still leaving a reference to him being Bonnie’s shallowest (but biggest) motivator in the arc.
This is actually pretty fun, as it’s gearing me up to get more work done on the second arc as well! Thanks again for the feedback!
Plus this one’s easier to memorize. =D
haha! I might as well replace that last line with “It’s a long way to the top of you wanna rock and roll!”
This is infinitely better already. Will you use it at Tri State Con?
Thanks, Lora! I’m sure I will. Probably be working on a pitch to at least build interest in volume 2 as well. Looking forward to it! =D
Oh, man, pitching…the one thing that sinks me into a deeper pit of despair than writing a synopsis.
I don’t have a problem making a pitch or synopsis for ALL my stories; just the big one that matters the most. For example:
(White Knight) Iain Kierstead is a mercenary who has just lost the use of his left leg, but that is the least of his problems. He’s in love with a local girl, who wants to run away with him, but he’s not sure if she’s in love with _him_ or in love with the man she _thinks_ he is. When his commander challenges him to either tell her the truth or give her up, Iain finds himself navigating the ugly corridors of truth and lies and wondering which future he might have to give up to save another.
(Umi Sen Yama Sen) Tobias Hawkshadow trusts in nothing more than he does the power of observation, logic, and reasoning; else he would not be a private investigator. So what is he to do when he discovers events in his own history that simply cannot be explained?
What both of these stories have in common is: They have a MAIN character. They have a MAIN plot.
So what the heck do you do with a story that has an ensemble cast with a tapestry plot? Especially when the main-most character and main-most plot are supposed to be the big reveal later on, like when the threads come together and you step back to see the big picture.
I’ve been trying to pitch The Prime of Ambition for six years now, and I still have no idea what to say to the person who comes up to my table and asks me what it’s about. It’s not that I don’t know what it’s about, it’s that I don’t know how to tell them what it’s about in a minute without giving away the whole thing. It’s maddening.
Sly,
Try downloading the cheat sheet for this episode, print it out then just start brainstorming ideas based on each of the challenges in there.
Take your time. Take several days… …or several weeks to think deeply about it.
You’ll figure it out if you insist on finding an answer.
For Prime of Ambition, WHY are YOU telling THIS story? Maybe some focused reflection on that will help craft a brief but snaring pitch…? (Would likely work for any pitch conception, but if that’s the one you’re having the most trouble with, maybe you just need to deconstruct it to its most basic answers for WHY.)
Great article as usual. Here’s mine-
“Lilith Dark is the story of a little girl who pretends she’s a brave monster slayer, but then discovers a tree full of REAL monsters in her backyard!”
Like a lot of others, I am not the best pitch man, so I kind of like to keep it short and punchy, but also leave it open for more conversation.
At my first con last year, my pitch was something like “well, yeah, it’s about this girl, and uuummm, there are monsters, and uuhhh…”
It just got worse from there.
Sweet!
Yeah, it’s good. Short is good! I wonder if there’s one more embellishment you could add to give us just a little bit more specific insight to the character and plot.
Good work!
Oh, and what you have is pretty good. They could use SOME tweaking, but that’s the case with everything. I really believe that cheat sheet will help in a big way.
Great presentation, Chris–very useful!
I can’t download the cheat sheet, for whatever reason.
Your short pitch, or tag line or elevator pitch, would also look nice across the top of one’s webcomic site, perhaps drawing in and intriguing some casual surfers.
I’m going to suggest this podcast to my comic collective, because their success is my success.
Sorry, Scott. I’m not sure what happened. It should be working now.
Let us know if you have any other problems. Sorry about that!
And THANK YOU for spreading the word about Paper Wings! 2012 is going to be an important year as PW really becomes a business.
So we’ll take all the positive word of mouth we can get!!!
Thanks again!
Glad to be of some small assistance, Chris.
Good stuff, thanks for sharing Chris. Because of just this video I now – for the first time ever – have an elevator pitch for my webcomic.
“Robot Friday is about the uncertainty creative people feel in the world of graphic design, art and music and how they deal with this uncertainty in their daily lives.”
Thanks again, great information and podcast
Wow, Thomas. That is just so encouraging. It is our JOY to help.
Elevator pitch worked on me, Thomas. RSS’d!
Awesome! Thanks Michael. Glad the pitch is working and is interesting enough to want to know more.
I’ve been really trying to figure this out for a long while now, but Chris urging us to boil things down to a human emotion really helped me get it. Thanks again Michael
Great post, Chris! Had just enough time to take in the video right before I had to go teach class! Now I get to comment… =D
Right now, just off the top of my head, the heart of my story (across both arcs so far) seems to be “So you want to be recognized for your passion… What’s that going to take?”
Bonnie starts off in a kind of mediocre rut. She knows a life of adventure is going to get her in all kinds of trouble, and she welcomes that, but she can’t seem to make a name for herself outside of being a sleazy, petty pirate. The first arc sets up how she’s going to go about fixing that, while the second is exploring the overconfidence she seems to have picked up after her successes in the first arc.
That’s not so much a pitch itself, but as I was typing it, I could see how I could maybe start snowballing a new one from there. Thanks as always for the prompt and inspiration!
Back to the Future was a great example to use for the demonstration! I have a friend who all but refuses to watch it because he thinks the story is all about a kid going back in time and making out with his mom until he has to go back to the future. haha! The way you summed it up to its core is smartly succinct. I may have to pitch it to him that way to get him to watch it.
(Speaking of BttF… I had an inclination to marathon all three the other day. This may have been the primer the engine needed! haha)
I did #2 and #3 back to back just a few weeks ago. I love ‘em all. The BTTF2 haters can back off.
Glad this helped. Your pitch sounds VERY close to the bullseye. Keep tweaking it and perfecting it.
Ask yourself every hard question you can about the story.
Writing it out or mind-mapping and processing it verbally with friends (or anyone, really) is extremely helpful.
Please keep us (and me) updated on the evolution of your pitch. I would be VERY interested to hear about it since it seems like you’re right on the cusp of an important breakthrough.
Pedal to the metal, Michael!
I once had a teacher say that if you ever want to sell an idea, you need to be able to describe it in less than two minutes. And the reason is very simple: if you happen to meet the [insert big corporate position here] that can make your idea a reality in the elevator, you have, on average, less than two minutes to convince them before the elevator gets to his or her floor. After that, you’ll lose them forever, as he or she will get off, leaving you with whatever else you were going to say.
But, if you have an “elevator speech” prepared, this person will walk out of the elevator remembering your idea, and might even call you to hear more.
Yup: be ready any time, any place. And think to yourself: How long am *I* interested in someone else’s pitch? Use your own patience/ interest levels as a guide and give that same treatment to someone else. Golden rule and what not applies to marketing, too.
That’s right, Frank.
And too, forcing ourselves to come up with a super-short version will keep us on-track for writing the actual story.
These things have a way of just expanding and becoming more complex the more we work on them so we have to put a lot of effort into simplifying to remain grounded in the “Human Point Of View.”
I’ve experimented with many pitches over the last year and found that if I lead with posing a question regarding the character’s situation or give them the mashup of the 3 films and shows that our book resembles, I can sell a book without going any further. After that I play it by ear, never rambling. I also agree completely with applying excitement and confidence when presenting the pitch. I’m very shy and it normally takes me about an hour to open up. I can definitely tell a difference between a timid presentation and an exuberant one. They can feel your excitement. If I’m having an off day I’ll fake my excitement. It really works. I feel like our pitch is an ever-evolving being and we’re constantly revising it.
Never rambling is key, Todd, you’re right about that! The second you bore them with your pitch, they’ll never want to buy the book then expect to be bored there, too.
That’s why I favor short and sweet and then let them either flip through it, or let them engage you at that point. You always want to leave them wanting more. You want them to feel like they can’t wait to go home and read it, instead of feeling like they don’t need to read it because you just told them everything that happens.
Without, of course, all the wonderful character moments, hooks, and surprises they would have gotten if they’d read the story themselves.
I’ve adopted that point of using three specific movies/TV shows/stories… to describe my own since Lora mentioned it in a post/’cast sometime last year. That really seems to pique interest!
I tend to pitch Bonnie Lass as a relative mash-up of Cowboy Bebop and Pirates of the Caribbean. Each of those has a pretty broad fanbase to begin with, so I’ve got a pretty good chance of hooking somebody just based on one of those. But the folks who hold both of those franchises in high regard tend to really geek out, clamoring for something that has the feel of both.
Now, that works fine for the first volume, but I’m thinking I’m going to have to reconsider that mashup as I progress through volume two, as the world and story have been expanded to be more encompassing than that. Which is what I always intended to do… it was just easier to pin down a couple of quick, recognizable points of reference before. haha!
On thing to keep in mind though that with the ‘Movie Mash-Up’ approach is that it’s basically just a slightly-more-specific (or not) version of the “Genre Generalization.”
It doesn’t focus on the “human point of view” and the “universal human emotion” that is unique to YOUR story.
Plus it forces the reader to start trying to do “movie math” in their heads – trying to figure out what that even means.
What is the specific recipe? You can give someone a pile of ingredients but that doesn’t mean they can make a cake from them. How many ‘parts’ Pirates to how many ‘parts’ Bebop? Nobody knows.
I think it does more to confuse people than it does to really give them an idea of what your story IS. It doesn’t FEEL confusing because we DO usually know what those things are.
Most people at a Con are going to know ‘Pirates’ and ‘Bebop’ but even still…
What if they DON’T like those movies? It’s risky considering that the “universal human emotion” such as “I’ll do anything to protect my family” (Godfather, Breaking Bad) is, by definition, universal.
Does this make sense?
In short, the “Movie Mash-Up Pitch” isn’t actually the right tool for the problem it’s trying to solve.
Oh, I know. I typically try and save it for the end, usually after I’ve gotten them to listen to some sort of actual pitch. If they’re still listening, I can start showing them the book and then I start throwing out some of the more superficial stuff like the mash-ups and “who’s who.”
I was actually leery of the approach before, BECAUSE it seemed like it might be a dangerous thing to gamble on (being too specific, yet not necessarily about the uniqueness of my story.)
I’ve worked it down to where it’s merely a complement to the rest of my pitch. That’s definitely something I’d advocate—keep the mash-up waiting in the wings, until AFTER you’ve already engaged the person with YOUR story. Even if it’s just a few sentences’ difference.
I think of the mash up as describing the flavor of your comic, not the story of it.
What does the comic taste like? That’s a mashup.
I like that, Lora!
This was a really great post. I’m guilty, guilty, guilty of ‘technobabble.’
One thing that I was thinking about while listening, that you could add to the pitch preparation, is talking points. This is something I’ve observed and worked on with conversations in general, as an introvert. When you’re in a generic conversation, or catching up with a friend, there’s really, in most situations, only a small pool of questions that you’re going to get, unless you get into a topic of mutual interest. “What have you been up to?”, “How’s work?”, etc.
With that in mind, basically, you can treat your con preparations like you’re going onto a late night talk show. Really, that’s all the actors are doing when they are on those sorts of shows after a new movie comes out. “What was it like to work with teen idol dude/beautiful woman/hilarious sidekick?”, “How did you relate to your character?” I’m sure they know exactly what the host is going to talk about before they go on the show, so when they get there, they know exactly what to say, or have some hilarious anecdote about the shooting process to make people laugh.
Now, I don’t have enough experience to derive the set of questions that you would need to prepare for (maybe a bunch of people could brainstorm this list, including people who have tabled before??), but I suspect that there is a ‘go-to’ set of inquiries that people tend to ask – who’s the main character, what’s it about, what’s it like, how did you make it, how long did it take you etc. So, in much the same way Chris describes short and long pitches, these are all questions that you can rehearse ahead of time and do on autopilot.
This is a really good idea, Chad. Preparing for (and thus being able to set up) these kind of talking points probably would go far in helping sway potential sales into actual sales!
Knowing is half the battle, Chad. Sounds like you’re off to a good start because now you know what to look out for!
“What is the universal human emotion in YOUR story?”
I think in most of my stories, including Rival Angels, is friendship. Best friends forever and the good and the bad that comes with it.
As to pitching, I’ve been working on a new one. I’m still working on it’s brevity, but I thought I’d share anywho:
Sabrina is a failing student with a bad boyfriend, college debt and a dead end job that has her thinking that life has let her down. She goes all-in on her childhood dream of becoming a pro wrestler. She becomes fast friends with her three rookie roommates, but quickly learns of the egos and politics behind the curtain. Follow Sabrina and her three roommates as they literally fight their way through heartbreak and losses and what sacrifices they make in the name of friendship, and victory.
That’s good, Alan.
Is there a more nuanced “SPIN” on friendship that is closer to the heart of your story?
I think with the “universal human emotion” you could get a little more specific… …More specific is often MORE universal. “Friendship” alone might not be specific or descriptive enough.
Does that make sense?
Actually, after I wrote that, it seemed a little too vague. I loved Battlestar Gallactica because of Tighe and Adama, but it was way more than about them.
I guess it’s the friendship dynamic between two or more characters and how they may become greater than the sum of their parts as they journey through their coming-of-age story. Of course, there’s always the baggage that comes with that, and the risk of drowning because of it.
I’m sort of thinking in the vein of the story, The Body (or the movie, Stand By Me).
…I’m thinking if I can get even more specific. O_o
Yeah. It takes a lot of thought and effort, then practice, then revision…
Try to find a very simple way to say it but that doesn’t generalize. It’s tough.
You should ask Lora about her pitches. Some of hers, like some of mine, contain spoilers for our own stories so we can’t put ‘em out there yet.
But one non-spoilery version of my pitch is “Greg The Megabeaver’s Prehistoric Sideshow could ensure the survival of the freakish in a world ruled by Dinosaur celebrities.”
It entertains on the surface but the satiric tone and the potential for plot is present as well… But it definitely doesn’t sound like any other comic you’ve read.
ie: It’s not non-specific to the actual story.
This is really difficult stuff but well worth the time and effort it takes to get it right.
It’s also helpful to me to process this stuff with Joel, Zach and my roommate Steve. Also my wife and Mike and Lora. Try talking it out with some people. Really WRESTLE through it! (Thematic overlap! Get it? WRESTLE!! HA!)
“friendship dynamic between two or more characters and how they may become greater than the sum of their parts”. I think your answer is in there somewhere.
I laughed when I saw that you said you always write about friendship, because of course you do– you’re a GREAT friend.
I find I always wind up writing about family over and over again…
Lora: oh you…! XD
It’s cliche but as far as theme goes I think I specifically go with: good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
and to wrap that up in a pitch:
Four rookie roommates quickly learn of the backstage egos and politics that threaten to test their friendships in the exciting and heartbreaking world of pro wrestling.
Hmmmmm…better maybe? I appreciate you letting me bounce ideas ‘out loud,’ so to speak. XD
That is strong, Alan.
YES.
Nestea plunge.
Thanks for posting this! I currently have no pitch and a case of shyness, and this really helps to get some idea of what I could do to make the pitch process easier on myself and others!
I have to agree with Kim – a lot of marketing/pitching/selling yourself for people who don’t know how or shy, can be really tough.
I consider myself a shy/introverted person, and it does take practice to do the sales pitch.
Before I get on a conference call with a client I’ve never worked with, I talk out loud a few times before I dial. Also talking at yourself in front of a mirror. It may be goofy as all get out, but it helped me!
Just a little encouragement for you both – Everyone gets really nervous… …even the extroverts. Also, you can still be a “shy” introvert and apply all of the tips in the video.
It’s a myth that success is exclusive to the extroverts. That’s just not the case.
Try making these strategies work for you and let me know if you have any advice for all of the introverts in the community.
We will be sure to share your insights because this is really important to address.
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!!!
I think my only advice would be (like anything else art-related) is Practice, Practice, Practice!
Especially at conventions, remember you are around like minded people! The exuberant people at a gaming con are probably wall flowers in their day to day life. So, yes they are probably interested in a fantastical/sci fi comic. And yes, they are probably shy too.
The more you do it, at least I’ve found, the more relaxing it becomes. Until finally you can talk about (and even sell!) your work without really even thinking about it.
There’s no way around it: as an independent creator, pitching IS a part of your job description. You have to sell your book, no one else will. But the good news is that you can practice at it. Everyone has parts of their job that don’t come naturally to them. This is the kind of thing that you can practice, rehearse, and wrestle through *before* you actually have to interact with potential customers or publishers. That way, when the urge to withdraw and shy rises up, you have a plan at least. This will make you SO much more comfortable actually giving the pitch– knowing what you want to say and not having to come up with it when the nerves show up!