Recently a friend asked me how Paper Wings was going. After listening to my update, she made a point to tell me that she admired “people like you and Chris who can go after the things you want and make them happen.” She said a lot of people have big dreams and vision for their future, but very few have what it takes to make it happen. I smiled and thanked her but the conversation didn’t progress much from there.
It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the compliment, it’s just that I know it isn’t true.
TALENT WINS?
See, there is a misconception that “special” and “talented” people excel. Am I special? Do I have ‘what it takes’? We ask ourselves these questions looking for some inherent talent residing inside of us, rather than looking externally at what we are doing (if anything) to achieve our goals.
Let’s face it, when we’re honest, we doubt whether or not we have ‘it.’ A culture obsessed with celebrity has taught us that some people have ‘it’… but most of us don’t.
TETHERED BY FEAR?
I think people are held back by fear more than anything else. But those who move forward do so (and continue to do so) not because they have no fear– they simply decided that a chance at success is worth facing failure.
Think about it. What really holds you back? I’m not as talented as so and so. I’m not business savvy. Anatomy doesn’t come easy to me. What if I don’t make it? I tried once and it didn’t work out–what if that happens again? What if people think I’m no good?
It takes a lot of effort to try to talk yourself out of these thoughts. I’ve found it’s much easier to just admit that your fears might be true. You’re probably not the most talented person on the planet. And you certainly have room to grow.
But so what?
I say this because I’m one of you.
I am not particularly brave. I do not relish the thought of putting bad artwork on the internet for an entire world of strangers to critique. I dread reading bad reviews of my comic and I have a hard time getting their negative words out of my head. I hate disappointing my readers and carry the weight of their frustration around on my shoulders. I feel anxious when I have to talk to my heroes, and sometimes I make myself sick with worry over whether not I will ever ‘arrive.’
I haven’t found the secret to not reacting this way. And I certainly haven’t reached a level of success high enough to make my insecurities disappear. (Most successful people whose books or blogs I’ve read tell me this won’t happen anyway.)
No, I don’t know how to eliminate fear from my life. But I do know this: every day I decide to go for it anyhow.
WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Many people make their decisions based on fear. The root of their anxiety is an imaginary outcome that scares them. They decide what to do or not do by avoiding things that could make their fears a reality.
Is that how you make decisions? Is fear holding you back?
Life isn’t a constant, steady line. There have been seasons of sickness and death in my family that forced me to slow down my career for awhile. Sometimes you do have legitimate responsibilities that have to come first– marriages, mortgages, midterms and the like.
But most of the time those are not the things that hold us back. Most of the time we are paralyzed by socially accepted, circumstantial excuses that mask the real, deeper fears underneath.
Be real with yourself. Acknowledge what those fears are. Say them outloud to yourself or a friend, and see if they don’t lose some of their power.
I mean, what is the worst that could happen? The worst is that you never achieve your goals and have to face that disappointment. But you know what? That will happen inevitably if you never start to try.
So, in the wisdom of Eleanor Roosevelt, do one thing every day that scares you.
And who knows, you just might get what you’re hoping for.
******
(Click here to read a relevant study about praising children for who they are, rather than what they do.)
{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }
Thank you so much for this. I could not have found this site at a better time.
These past few months have been one of building crisis for me. I work as an engineer, an occupation I find massively unsatisfying. Most days I get so frustrated thinking about how much I could be doing with my comic, if I didn’t have to be at work. At the same time, I’m the only one in my family unit with a job. I’m the one paying all the bills. I feel trapped, with no options.
It makes me afraid that my life will be spent sacrificing my dreams for practicality. That I will die never having given myself the time and permission to really try. Stay, and die on the inside. Leave, and starve.
I work on my comic every day. I publish it online. Yet for some reason, I never think my work is good enough. I don’t put it up fast enough, I don’t provide enough value. I’m afraid that I’ll never “have what it takes.”
Listening to these podcasts and reading these articles the past few days has given me back hope and perspective when I really, really needed it. It had gotten to the point where I really did not think I could stand to keep going. That I would have to quit my job and run myself into the ground to know that at least I had TRIED. Your suggestions have helped me peek out of this pit and see that maybe there are other options than all or nothing.
Thank you so much.
Great point. It remind me what a comicbook artist friend told me a long time ago. When he asked the late Archie Goodwin what he looked for in an apprentice. He replied “in this order: Nice, Reliable, Talented”.
Loving this new podcast. Just in time, because I was missing EFII Podcasts. I know Thomas is busy creating new stuff, and I can’t wait to hear what he comes up with, but this is nice to have while I’m waiting. Thank you!
First off I’d like to say it’s a godsend you guys have started this podcast. You’ve really helped to clear up a lot of mis-conceptions I’ve had about the industry, especially with portfolios. Plus you’re great to listen to while drawing or painting.
In terms of overcoming fear I guess I can say I know a thing or two.
Late last year I developed RSI in my right hand, and for about three to four weeks I was unable to draw. For somebody who drew every day, this was particularly soul destroying, as I was unable express my ideas and thoughts on paper as I was so used to doing.
That first week was filled with anxiety and fear. What would I do if my hand never actually healed? Would I ever draw again?
Realizing that moping around was going to get me nowhere, I began to think of other ways I could use be creative so I could achieve me goals, while still giving my hand the time it needed to get better. I took up writing and began to teach myself to draw with my left hand, which I am pleased to say I still do now even after my hand has healed.
Though it was an unfortunate part of my life artistically, if someone asked me if I could take it back I would say no.
Not being able to use my hand helped me to discover new skills I didn’t know I’d had, which in turn have helped me to grow both as an artist and a person. It never would have happened if I had succumbed to fear and given up.
I guess what I’m trying to say is though facing fear is scary, in the end you will be a stronger person if you rise above it.
Wow, Tim, thanks for the honest post! I understand that fear. I’ve had severe pinched nerves more than once that left me unable to draw, and left my hands tingly & numb and it hurt so bad I couldn’t put pressure on my pencil. Until I figured out what was happening, I was terrified. I still remember crying at a Tim Horton’s on my lunch break because I was too afraid to go back and tell my boss I couldn’t hold a pencil… I worked at an illustration studio!
I love that you decided to face it head on. And am so impressed that you taught yourself to draw with your other hand…!!! I would say, this was definitely a /grounded/ fear–and not an imaginary one, but what an inspiration that you pushed through it and grew as an artist and a person! I think facing our fears always does that. It shows us what we’re really made of after all.
GREAT post. Fear is my biggest issue for sure. There is a lot to be said for acknowledging it. We should do this when we feel it. Acknowledge and accept the anxiety when we feel it and it does lose a big chunk of its power. It’s recognizing those thoughts in your head that lead to the feelings which in turn create more negative thoughts. A vicious cycle.
Regardless an amazing post. We all need to be reminded of this every day.
Thank you so kindly for the inspiring words.Sometimes it feels that I am taking 1 step forward but 3 steps back and always fearing the worst.So its always grand to read or see these types of messages so know I can fly through the fog and not fear what is up ahead.
Just reposting my question for today’s podcast here for quick clarification. I understand I’m cutting it close if I make it at all… =)
When pitching a comic, are there any long-term advantages to pitching a basic, prospective proposal (relying more on the concept) to publishers over bringing them tangible, completed issues that they can more objectively review?
Thanks again for the great podcast, you two! It’s really a treat!
We definitely addressed this in the recording today! Listen in on Monday for our response. Thanks for the question!
Thank you so much for this encouragement/pep talk! It’s very timely, too, actually.
I struggle a lot with fear, worry, and feelings of inferiority, but this year I’ve really made the effort to overcome those thoughts. I wrote two notes to myself at the end of 2010. The first was simply the word “Persevere!”, since I’ve noticed that I would give up when I felt I wasn’t “good enough” instead of pursuing improvement and achieving difficult goals. The second was the name of a person who didn’t let his weaknesses stop him: Teddy Roosevelt. He has become a role-model of sorts for me. Despite being sickly and small as a child, he stretched his mind and body to the limits and achieved many great things.
This year instead of moaning about how I wish I could draw better, I’ve made an effort to improve by studying “the art of” books from animated movies, trying new techniques, and drawing, drawing, drawing. I’m filling up a sketchbook five times faster than I ever have, and I’m already seeing small improvements since the beginning of the year.
So thank you again, for letting me know that I’m not alone, and for the encouragement to go get things moving. One of the gems from Pixar’s twitter page — ‘Dream in: “Wouldn’t it be cool if we could do this? Wouldn’t it be cool if we could do that?” Then wake up and do it.’
Hey, Rachel! That’s what I’m talking about! Realizing your fears aren’t going to magically evaporate one day, and you’ll be free to move forward and take risks easily.
I love the idea of using quotes and people who inspire you as reminders! Good luck as you continue to grow. I sure am glad you found the Paper Wings community!
What a great post Lora! Just wanted to thank you again for what Paperwings is bringing to the community. Gotta high five Scott too.”work is the remedy for fear. One thing is for certain, progress will come. And you will realize it only if you don’t give up! And a big high five to Aimee! Love that Ira Glass video. Lately everything abe been coming across has further supported my involvement in the illopond.com like Ira said you just have to keep at it until you reach the point where you start meeting your own high levels of taste. Whether your paid for it or not. Great motivation to keep plugging allong. Great stuff e everyone!
After he read this post, my husband Mike told me about a season in Norman Rockwell’s career (after he was HUGE, mind you) where he felt like he was totally washed up and finished. He described a period in which he had a huge crisis of believing in himself, and I guess his take away was something along the lines of, “I don’t know how or why it changed, but every day I got up and painted anyway. Eventually the feeling left.”
If Norman Rockwell felt that way, lol, I think none of us are immune!
I’m so glad to read about this topic on Paper Wings. And, you are so right!
I have been on a personal journey to transition from web designer to illustrator. Recently, I’ve started to uncover my fears and address them head on. The journey has been a whirlwind of emotions and internal turmoil on whether to keep going or just accept web designer as my only career type. Luckily for me, I’m more determined than anything.
There were a couple of videos that were going around Twitter last week that helped me put a few things in perspective so I thought I would share those here.
http://www.killyourdarlingsatl.com/2010/06/05/video-ira-glass-of-npr-on-storytellingvideo-ira-glass-of-npr-on-how-to-reach-your-creative-ambitions/
http://www.ted.com/talks/kathryn_schulz_on_being_wrong.html
Great post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
I love the Ira Glass link. Great message.
Hi, Aimee! Mike just shared that link with me! Mike has always said that you certainly have the gumption to go after what you want. For creatives, it doesn’t always have to be an either / or. Personally, I call myself a comic book writer/artist (because I am!) but I still do freelance commercial illustration work on the side to pay the bills. Living the dream doesn’t always pay, at least it can take a long time to become your primary source of income. In the meantime, your web design skills can help you out in a bind, I’m sure. More than once Mike & I have been so glad when a freelance gig finally pays!!
Check out this one. This is my favorite TED talk ever: http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/elizabeth_gilbert_on_genius.html
Thanks Lora for the inspiring words. It always helps to hear that you’ve been there and also that even after you find success, we still are going to have insecurities, that we’ll have to overcome. The motivating and inspiring words from you two, really helps me (others too, I’m sure) to overcome these insecurities.
Lee – just thought you might want to get a gravatar so it displays here on PW. Since you comment so often it would help people to recognize you and realize how much you have to offer beyond a single comment they might be reading in a single setting. Just a thought… http://Gravatar.com
Sweet. Thanks Chris! I wasn’t sure what service you were using to have your avatar posted with your comments! Now I feel all legit n’ stuff.
I kept waiting for a long time for my fears and anxieties to go away. And certainly, they’re not always present. Sometimes they’re less, but sometimes they’re huge… The answer isn’t pushing a magic button and making them go away, it’s pushing forward anyway.
I think it’s good for us to hear that the ‘pros’ suffer from this, too. We’re not alone! A lot of the power of these thoughts comes from thinking we’re the only one who feels this way, and everyone else has it together.
I know it’s unbecoming of a young, aspiring web-persona to admit I’m not super confident and sure of myself, but I thought it was worth it.
I find it very becoming. You’ve chosen to be yourself, and to simply tell experiences as an artist. You are not trying to be secretive or cryptic in your approach to helping others in the field of art.
Great post, Lora. This is something I have tried to instill into my kids. And the great thing about kids is – they get it. It’s when we grow up that we *teach* ourselves to fear these things that need not be.
You can waste time worrying about the nonsensical fear, or you can get busy making something happen. So we all need to get busy!
Tom – great points. Have you read “How To Be Creative” by Hugh Macleod? http://changethis.com/manifesto/show/6.HowToBeCreative
I love this post, Lora, thank you! It’s been quite some time since I’ve had a pep talk that really stirred me to want to act. It’s both saddening and bizarrely encouraging that so many of us must be plagued by exactly the same thing. Time for me to take a good look at what’s holding me back.
Chelsea – one little bit of advice as you conquer the barriers… Identify the thing that’s holding you back and then write out the TRUTH on an index card or make a custom Desktop Wallpaper for your computer etc… So if my fear was “I fear I’m not good enough.” Then I might write out “‘Good enough’ is an illusion. ‘Done’ is real.” or something like that… Just a thought.
I think the biggest compliment I’ve ever gotten in a professional setting was when I DIDN’T get a job that I really wanted. The guy hiring (who just happened to be creator of a very successful animated TV series) told me it was a coin toss between myself and another animator, and that he was more comfortable choosing the other person because he knew I’d do just fine without that job. Not because I was more talented, but because he told me I was the kind of person who made things happen. He congratulated me for being an ambitious “go-getter” and sent me on my way, with permission to use him as a reference.
I love that you posted this, Lora, because it’s so true. You are responsible for your own success.
I agree with this guy, Sarah, that it’s clear you are an ambitious go-getter. But I think he missed an opportunity there. He should have gathered you up when he had the chance.
Haha, do one thing every day that scares you, huh? Sounds like my current work situation as I try to avoid potential lay-off while applying for jobs in my new animation profession. I also had the same kind of struggle the other night as I received an offer for freelance work that could potentially complicate life. I thought, “could I possibly pull this off?” and I was fortunate to be surrounded by people who “believe in me” who said I should at least look into it. So I’m now pursuing the work to see where it leads – and I feel so much better about it now because I’m working on it – it’s like the best remedy for fear is work – get busy moving one step at a time, solving the problem.
It seems to happen always, when my new big dream/goal comes into mind, I’ll feel initial excitement inevitably followed by FEAR. But if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s work : the remedy for fear.
So thanks for a great post, Lora! It resonated well!
Keep us posted, Scott. Can’t wait to see where this new opportunity leads for you.
Wow. Thanks Lora for that amazing post.
I know I fall into the catagory that finds its self held back because of fear. Thanks for the insight
You’re welcome.
I’m glad it was helpful!